This was the blog that saw the second biggest transformation of my life, the first being the day I realized I had a problem with alcohol and sought help on June 29, 1997
This was the blog that had me laughing, crying, and bonding with persons from around the world. We had a common language (“TTC” “CD1” “CM” “sucks sweaty donkey balls”), and held each other not only through infertility but births, deaths, breakups, moves, career changes and just every good and bad thing life has to offer.
This was the blog that at times were my only link to sanity as the world around me got more and more insane.
But now the silence is deafening, pulsating in my ears as I walk farther and farther away from this world.
I will not delete this blog because it would be like deleting myself the self I was from August 2004 when I laid on a table nervous but so very excited for what I thought laid ahead.
I cannot delete who I was in February 2007 when we heard “Diminished Ovarian Reserve”. I cannot delete the self of November 2009 who woke up to hear the doctor’s voice on the other line telling me that my eggs had not fertilized.
To delete them would delete the events that made me who I am today. Sad sometimes, bitter sometimes but stronger and with a deeper urgency to keep the blessings I have in my life.
So the blog stays to let those of you know there is life there is joy there is life after infertility. I didn’t come away with the happy ending most people want to see in an infertility blog but the good news is that I didn’t have an ending but a new pathway.
Those who know me IRL can find me on Facebook. You can see the mundanity of my blessed life chronicled on twitter on the sidebar or you can look for nycphoenix.