Once again, I have let too much time pass between blog posts and now I have yet another cloud of thoughts going around my head so I will surrender to the inevitabiity of bullet points:

• Saturday was a a fundraiser for the Roundup. Twas fun and silly a spoof on A*merican I*dol where homegroups competed.
• Sunday I went to church alone. Mikey went to visit another congregation. Mikey has been having a crisis of faith and has decided to take my advice and explore other churches. She’s worried because she feels we should be in the same church but I told her that if interfaith couples can survive than I don’t see why we can’t be a two church family. Someone suggested that MY growing involvement at my church is “horning in” on what was Mikey’s domain. WhatEVER!
• We are getting ready for a 12 week cycle of couples’ therapy starting in June. I am nervous.
• I keep relapsing on the food plan. I think I may have to take a harm reduction approach and cut my sugar intake. But white pasta? Nope totally addicted, no control at all. It’s gone. I am ok with whole wheat and found a brand I like.
• Sunday I revisited a group that I have not really participated in over a year. It was nice but it will be a while before I feel 100% comfortable. These women are femmes and totally not connected to the ttc/infertility world I have lived in for the past four years.
• I am liking my new job  but boy do they love meetings. I am still not cleared to see clients so its all meetings, administrative tasks and supervision. But I do like it!
• I found my libido this week. My libido is like an elusive creature that can only be spotted one or two days out of the month and only for about two hour stretches. So for the past two months its been like: “Babe drop everything it has to be now!” It’s sad I tell you.
• I need to talk to somebody about Former Crazy Job. I am so concerned that the agency is doing more harm than good and maybe I need to whistleblow.
• Damn M*icrosoft. I was innocently pirating some O*ffice 2003 and they have this new fangled anti piracy thing where they let you upload everything and use it like three or four times but then asks you to register online and when you try to register it says that the CDs have been used too many times and won’t let you register and then shuts down everything so the most you can do is open files as read only and view them but you can’t edit, create, save or print anything.
• Have you noticed I didn’t mention anything baby? Because as each day passes it seems like the whole baby craze becomes fainter and fainter. I am living my life. Doing things that I like. And when I think about August and the activation of new health insurance I think about how a successful IVF would totally fuck my career. I won’t have an real accrued time off and to go on leave barely an year in (estimating an August/September cycle and spring due date) and that’s without complications. And I don’t want to do it.  I want to be at my job over a year. I want to move. I want to lose weight. i want to be a deacon and I want to go to seminary. And for the first time ever I want these things more than I want to go through IVF #3.
• So does that mean I made up my mind? I may have said that I made up my mind many times before but as i type this I am not dissolving in a puddle of bitter tears. But I won’t say yes for certain. I am going to try something radical and take it a day at a time.