I was reading what one commenter wrote about how she envied her lesbian friend for having two sets of female reproductive organs to work with. I had to laugh at that because it’s a different scenario in my household. This is something I’ve touched on briefly in the past but I thought I would try to sum it up for everyone who might not be familiar with the terminology I use or don’t have a lot of exposure to the queer community. Please understand that this is Mikey and I’s story and does not reflect the lesbian community as a whole. This is also not in any way shape or form a negative reaction to the commentor.

Maribelle is a 50 year old butch. Her nickname is Mikey. Mikey responds to both names and both sets of pronouns. If you were to look at the occasional picture on my blog you will see a person that at first glance looks male. Depending on the outfit, her breasts can be camoflaged. She is 5′6″, tall for a Latina but about average for a Latino. Her hormone make up is such that she has a prominent moustache and lots of leg hair. Mikey has accepted the female part of her body and does not want to change it but her gender identity and expression is very much masculine.

When we began our TTC journey I would describe her emotions and reactions to be very much in line to those expressed by the male author of the book. There was the complicated emotion of frustration on not having the capacity to make me pregnant. Again, Mikey doesn’t identify as transexual but she did wish for a while that there was a way to be male, create sperm and use it. Do other lesbians feel this? I couldn’t tell you for sure. So in a way, Mikey had to reconcile herself to essentially her “azoospermia”.

Her age obviously made the idea of switching to her body moot. But if age had not been a factor, Mikey still wouldn’t have been able to TTC. Mikey is partly disassociated with her female organs. Menstruation was a disappointment for her. She is counting the days for menopause to hit full force so she can finally be rid of it. Mikey has never been a heterosexual. She has never connected to her ability to bear children. In fact if she had become pregnant, she probably would have terminated the pregnancy not because she didn’t want to become a parent but because  the prospect of making her body do something so female would have been too traumatic to contemplate.

Mikey adds: Honestly, I don’t know if I would have an abortion. I don’t believe in abortion. But since the only way I would have gotten pregnant in my youth is through rape I can’t say what I would have done because the trauma of pregnancy would be mixed in with the trauma of rape. Sophia imagines I might have given birth and drown my trauma in pot and alcohol since I was a child of the 70’s.

We also struggled with what parenting would look like for Mikey. Mikey did not in any way shape or form wanted to be called ma, mom, mommy, mama, mami, etc. But she had enough of a connectionwith her female self to not be comfortable with Daddy, Father, Papi, etc. Mikey is sweet and gentle and nurturing and will be a great parent. We never did figure out what she would identify as but now, well, looks like we have more time to discuss it.

I, like my commentor, envy two womb households. This household has two sets of organs physically, but only one set can be called into play. And that set is broken. I am an infertile lesbian. But as part of couple that transends gender expectation, I find myself connecting with the heterosexual couples but at the same time our queerness has stopped us from seeking out help and support. Would these support groups understnad that we are two women feeling the feelings of two women but also the feelings of a man and a woman? Will Mikey’s maleness be validated, accepted? Will we run into flat out homophobia by persons who don’t think any lesbians should be having children especially these weird ones who “want to be the man”?

Until we find the infertile butch femme support group, we will continue to take what we can use and leave the rest.