What a difference an year makes. Last year I wrote for the first Blogging for LGBT families under a different blog and a different user name. We were on the verge of beginning the IVF portion of our journey. One year later and I am still on the computer blogging; this time under a new name and a new blog. Mikey is still sitting behind me fussing with papers. We are still without a child.

Last year I first typed the word “infertile” to describe myself. It was the beginning of the end of the denial and false hope I was clinging onto since August 2004. Two IVFs later and we had our explanation: Diminished Ovarian Reserve. On February 16, 2007 our Journey to an Ewok ended until further notice.

So what does this have to do with LGBT families? It has to do with living in state where insurance coverage for IVF is not mandated. It has to do with the FDA not allowing gay men to donate sperm. It has to do with not being able to find a clinic willing to work with a known donor who isn’t a boyfriend or husband. It has to do with being lucky as hell that my insurance did not deny me access to IVF because I was queer, unlike many other couples in the New York area. It has to do with the fact that if Mikey had fertility benefits, I would be “allowed” to be under her insurance even though we take a big tax hit for the “privilege”. It has to do with the fact that one of the many reasons Mikey and I will not pursue international adoption because we do not feel comfortable having to to be dishonest due to the homophobia that exists in other countries (but this is in no way a judgement on those couples who have or are in the process of adopting internationally). It has to do with the fact that domestic adoption is an option for us but not for other couples in other states. It has to do that we have to jump through hoops and pay dearly for the “right” to be legally recognized as parents.

I am an infertile queer; a family of two. My family is invisible to the local and federal governments Mikey and I pay taxes to. The one that we depend on to protect our inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And we’re not getting my money’s worth. No LGBT family is getting their money’s worth. Our rights are tenuous at best and routinely trampled on at worst.

But the powers that be can’t take our money with one hand while holding us down with the other much longer now. For a bunch of queers, we’re multiplying like bunnies. My blogroll barely scratches the surface of our queer couples, TTC folks, adopting folks, pregnant folks, parenting folks, straight allies. In the last year, about six babies entered our church alone. That’s a lot of future voters. That’s a lot of pissed off parents who may have been willing to be patient for our rights but now that the oppression includes their children, have taken up the cause with new energy and commitment. Because, now, it’s about OUR children. To paraphrase a really bad movie: “We have a primal animal instinct to protect our children” And if those homophobic asswipes think a bunch of angry queer parent activists are a scary sight, think about the supportive grandparents!

I am one of a family of two. My family and LGBT families all over the world have had enough of looking at our rights and seeing a bunch of IOUs where our protections are supposed to be. It’s time to collect the debt and get what is owed to us.