When I said yes about walking this path with my sister I didn’t realize what i was saying yes to. I didn’t realize I was saying yes to midnight phone calls from her griping on how our family hasn’t fully adjusted to her pregnancy by stopping their lives and revolving around her needs and desires. That by saying yes, I condemned my mother and my other sister to months of even more outbursts, verbal abuse, guilt trips and emotional manipulation than they get from a non-pregnant Sis.
Sis expects the family to come home and cater to her after a long day in the office/store/grad school and they can’t do that. Sis states she can’t cook and care for a toddler and go to school and is living on cereal. Sis is not working right now. She demands my mother stop her social life including having friends over at the house. Yesterday Sis stated that because so and so is there and she can’t stand his presence so she’ll sleep in her car. This is par for the course with her.
My mother is crying and depressed. What have I done? Five days since we found out and by saying yes I’ve given Sis the guilt leverage she needs to continue her reign of terror. A reign that will come at my doorstep come December when she comes with the Manly Nephew to have the baby here.
Don’t bother to suggest therapy, she won’t go. She refused therapy after her big suicide attempt (rat poison) and refuses to see her illness. And don’t mention committment. We’re talking about a 28 year old. Our window to committ her/declare her incompetent/tough love her is over. My mother will never kick her out now that the Manly Nephew is in the middle.
My Dad’s response to all this? No mention of the child support he owes but a snarky comment that it’s all my mother’s fault for moving to PR after the divorce instead of staying here. Oh yeah so she could have been unemployed, paralyzed and living this weird half married half not life with him. But that’s another story.
I told her that if she can’t handle the pregnancy then it’s better to terminate it. That when she decided against abortion it didn’t lessen her responsibility to the Manly Nephew. I offered her a two week vacation here to rest, see a doc here, and do some advance logistics for December but that we’re in the middle of painting the apartment and are lving like a camp. She said no.
Sigh…and it’s only been five days.
Sophia, I’ll tell you something you’ve told me in the past. Let go, and let God. You know it. Yes, the next few months are going to be trying. But that is temporary. You can do it.
The way she behaves has nothing to do with you. Don’t let yourself get pulled down in that way. If she continued this pregnancy without you taking the baby she would be acting the same way — possibly worse because she would be worried about what to do as a mother of two at the end.
Wow. I missed a lot. Congratulations! Even though it’s not a definite yet, it’s still good news.
I agree with Hope that she would be acting like this regardless. It’s NOT your fault.
Sounds like you are handling this REALLY WELL. I did not understand how mentally unstable she is.
Is there any chance she wants you to take care of her during her pregnancy so she can keep the baby? Or is the prospect of an infant really too much for her to handle?
It sounds like you are not giving into her manipulations, epecially when you tell her to terminate if she can’t handle it.
You are being honest and straight forward with her, while taking care of yourselves. What more can you do?